My struggles of a christian lady

"If you say you can, you can. Never say you can't, because God has no can't in his dictionary. So be positive as an image of God for with Him all impossibilities are possible." - Akua Asamoah Kwarteng

I've been a christian in my heart since the tender age of um a very young age. The first encounter with God is something like a dream. I remember the room was shades of orange and I was laying in the bed alone, then this feeling of calmness swept over me. I felt the presence of God and it felt like security along with peace. At that time in my life my family was constinently on the go and seldom settled, but at that very moment I felt as though everything was going to be okay. From then on I've kept myself going with just that phrase "it's going to be okay." Although as a human being I've fallen more times than I can count and stumbled just as much. My faith has been put through a continuous testing cycle and at times I've failed where I thought I would succeed. I prided myself on being a christian person, but after coming to college I seen things i didn't think existed for me and have done things I vowed I wouldn't.

My relationship with God proved not to be a strong as I imagined, but I've never forgotten who He is and where Him and I should be. With that being said I've been struggling with christianity and life. And if I must say I don't seem to be getting a handle of this, but I won't stop. I won't give up and I will press on.

My experiences as a fiance...

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." -James Baldwin

In my teenage years I didn't have too many meaningful relationship, in fact I didn't have any. I guess you can say I did what you would call dating. Although I saw it more along the lines as a game, I didn't really think of men as relationship prospects. I would like to say I was just having innocent fun and thought nothing more of it.Growing up I didn't receive too much information from my mother about the subject of the opposite sex, so my cousins took it upon themselves to "hip me to the game," as my mother would say. My learning of how men and women interacted with one another came from people who had very active relationship lives and, in my opinion, knew little to nothing concerning the proper ways to dating.

Thank God I was smart enough not to follow in their footsteps. It wasn't until I entered college and started a relationship and there did I get a taste of what a real relationship should be like. Although those relationships were few they didn't prepare me for the one I'm in now. My last and final romantic relationship with my significant other has had it's ups and downs. Complication and sacrifices. I've learned being with my fiance that I'm not the best I can be at all times. This relationship has challenged me in so many ways I wouldn't have fathomed. I've learned how to deal with conflict when they arise, something I shied from as teenager. I've been in the trenches with someone other than my immediate family and I've come out okay. I had to realize that it's not all about me, but sometimes I love to think it is.

Although I pride myself on being an independent person, I've learned to lean on others at desperate times of need. For me and my current relationship has been a continuous struggle and I used to think love couldn't be this way, but I now know that it's just a part of growing separately and together. I'm embracing change for the better and opening up to the different, wonderful sides to an engagment of the hearts.

My life as a college friend

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow;Don't walk behind me,I may not lead;Walk beside me,and just be my friend." - Unknown

Having friends in college is no different from highschool. I've heard so long ago that you should surround yourself with people who knows more than you so that you could learn from one another. Well I the friends that I have chosen were not for that sole purpose, but have proved the statement to be true. Friends have a tendency to test your knowledge and you in turn, theirs. As a friend in college I've discovered attributes of myself that I never noticed in highschool. I've realized that I'm not a cracked up as I thought I was.

My friendship abilities are lacking or maybe they morphed into something completely different from what they were in highschool. I like to think that ealier I was a little fickle and very coy, now with a few years under my belt of total independene I've come out of my shy ways and blossomed into this young woman who isn't afraid to express what she wants or go after it. But no matter how I've changed, my friends keeps me grounded. They aren't scared to let me know when I've went too far and they're not scared to push me farther.

As a friend I've made many and plenty mistakes. I've said things I shouldn't have and did things I think twice about, in that aspect I've grown, but I might have a tendency to lose control in the moment. I can be hurtful, which use to be something I never wanted to do, and still don't. But I don't fret to much over whether it happened or not. I've experienced a great deal of let downs as a friend and I'm sure I dished out several, but I would like to think to coming to college and establishing a variety of friendships spurred the development of my present self.

My experiences as a daughter of a single mother

"Simply having children does not make mothers." ~John A. Shedd

A quote that might apply to most parents, but not so for mine. I was born and raised to a single mother, who had two children pervious to my birth. My mother, Michel A. Williams is a women who had poor education and who's mother didn't properly train her for handling her own family. My mother never really held a job worthwhile or held it long for that matter. Not only was she a job hopper, but a house hopper. As a child I can't remember one single house we lived in for quite awhile. And in my opinion my mother wasn't too stable mentally and emotionally. Over time I've come to realize that sometimes she had trouble comprehending and when it came to pain or hurt, she handled it more on a less mature range of an adult. When it come's to all the personal aspect of my mother's life, lets just say she wasn't as equipped for having a successful, healthy love life as one should be.

Although my mother wasn't properly socialized for the real world, can i say she wasn't a good mother? No, my mother might not have had much, but she gave as much as she possible could. She did as much as she knew how with very little to no help from the fathers of her children. My earlier years with my mother was filled with what she knew to be love and it worked for the most part. Just as long as her children were well taking care of, had everything they needed and didn't have to want for much then her role as a mother was darn near complete.

As a child growing up in what I considered a dysfunctional family my roles as the oldest daughter and more level headed kind of set itself into place. At an early age in childhood I realized that my family had come to depend on me regarding "grown folk" stuff like; finances. I was a saver and managed my money well, considering I was a child and didn't want for much. My mother's lack of knowledge of the corporate world didn't hinder me from persuing my higher education or vowing like every child does not to be like their parents. My mother taught me a lot whether she's aware of any of it. She taught me that there's no limits to what I can do, she taught me how to treat others and how to be independent, not relying on others to take care of me. Simly having children does not make you a mother, but doing your very best with what you have does.

My experiences as student in college

"Don't let anyone tell you that high school is supposed to be fun. High school is to be endured. College is fun." - Stephenie Meyer

I'm a current student attending Jarvis Christian College and in my senior year. I've just now decided to double major in sociology and social work and taking up a minor of psychology, so i will be here another year. How i got here is a little shady, coming from the family I did I had no real knowledge of college or how to get there. It wasn't until my highschool took us on a college tour of two different college in the East Texas area that I became really interested in higher learning with the encouragment of my bestfriend. Jarvis got me here on the pretenses of summer program. True enough there was a summer program, but the conditions in which they placed us in were unimaginable. As my father and I started to pull up to the campus I started to become weary, then I proceeded to ask my father to turn back around. Of course he didn't and he pulled right on in, unpacked my belongings and looked at my holdings for the next 6-8 weeks. Neither one of us were impressed, least of all me. But all my highschool experience nothing prepared me for the people I found here.

The friends I accummlated over the course of the summer ensured my return to this wretched campus. And the coming back just challenged me and that I loved and hunted after, to a certain extent. The hunt came from nowing that like highschool, college supplied no deeper knowledge of education. Upon coming here my first few years were not worthwhile and my professors seem to care less about supplying thier students the intelligence they lack.

Although as a student in college I've learned that relying on your professors to give you the preparation you need for stepping into the world out there is a foolish notion. I've learned if you're seeking something then you should go out there and find it. I've taught myself that my on knowledge is the best possible way of educating myself.